last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
