Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
