At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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