I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
