Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
