If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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