i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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