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one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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