i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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