my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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