Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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