Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
