Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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