Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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