We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
