Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
