it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
