Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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