why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
