my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
