Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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