I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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