An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
