I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
