just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
