Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
