This is not my ceiling
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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