I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
