hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
