I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
