it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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