the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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