your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
