did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
