DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
