The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
