$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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