her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
