Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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