you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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