I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
