So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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