The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
