I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
