I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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