I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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