yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
