is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
