At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
