is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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