I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
