before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
