I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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